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Eskimo Joe

Pick-A-Card

Sweater-wearing Perth three piece, Eskimo Joe have just released their self- titled EP featuring the hot new single "Ruby Wednesday." Recovery caught up with Stu and Joel (Kav putting i a brief appearance) while they were on tour with none other than the Offspring. We let the cards do the talking...

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PAST LIVES.
Joel: I don't remember.
Stuart: You were a gay stripper for the Egyptians for a while.
Joel: Yeah, it's all coming back, that's right.
Stuart: And you were Napoleon's dog for a while - just after Waterloo.
Joel: Yeah, what else was I? Alan Border's moustache. He shaved me off.
Stuart: He's just one of those people you can tell used to have a moustache.
Joel: He looks terrible without the mo. He looks naked.

WHAT DID YOUR CAREERS ADVISER AT SCHOOL SUGGEST YOU BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?Stuart: Well, I only went to the careers adviser once. I just thought it was the most pointless exercise I've ever seen in my life because they just looked at my grades and said "you're good at maths, you should be a mathematician."

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?
Joel: I was arrested by the love police.

YOU'VE JUST ACHIEVED WORLD DOMINATION, WHAT WOULD YOUR FIRST LAW BE?
Stuart & Joel together: That everyone's called Joe.
Joel: Everyone has to change their names to Joe. To make it easy you know, I'm really bad with names so if everyone was called Joe... How's about George Foreman? I was watching a show the other night and he's got four sons and they're all called George coz he was like, 'You've got all these kids, you've got to remember their names and I'm in boxing - I don't have a good memory.'
Stuart: We're actually going to start up our own little political party called Joe Nation and it's going to be compulsory to rename everybody Joe.
Joel: And no taxes. Just looting, pillaging and rioting in the streets.

WHO OR WHAT WOULD YOU BE REINCARNATED AS?
Joel: I reckon Plugger.
Stuart: Coz there's only one Tony Lockett.
Joel: And I'd like to be that one. Plugger. We met him last night and had our photo taken with him. It was so awesome being so close to Plugger. I felt like I'd been touched by the god of football. He was nice, very professinal, very football - signed everybody's stuff and let everyone have photos with him.

WHAT'S THE BEST FILM STAR WARS FILM?
Stuart: Empire Strikes Back. It's unanimous. Jar Jar Binks can kiss my arse.
Joel: On the Martin Scorsese version, they beat him [Jar Jar] and his brother with light sabres and bury them alive. Just like in Casino.
Stuart: He was in it for far too long for my liking.
Joel: When he said "exqueeze me!"
Stuart: Oh, "expueeze me" - that was the worst line.
Joel: No seriously, we're not dissing Star Wars at all. We're dissing Jar Jar Binks. The movie was awesome. The second time's better, I'm telling you, I've seen in twice.

DO YOU GET FOOT ODOUR?
Stuart: No we don't.
Joel: What a shame Kav isn't here. Kav's awesome - he takes his shoes off and he's like 'hey guys what's that smell?'
Stuart: Your feet were pretty bad. We had to bury your shoes in that cupboard, man. We had his shoes in a plastic bag in a cupboard outside on the balcony.
Joel [VOICE RAISED TEN DECIBELS]: That was Kav's shoes!
Stuart: Was that Kav's shoes?
Joel: Yeah, when we were recording.
Stuart: That's right.
Joel: And you'd go out to the balcony and it was like eeuurgghhh...
Stuart: Out in the air you could still smell it. In a cupboard. In a bad. But he's done really well since then. He's scrubbing up a good young man.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CRUEL TO AN ANIMAL?
Stuart: No, Joe Nation is thoroughly opposed to cruelty to animals except Jar Jar Binks.
Joel: He's not an animal. He's an alien.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN ANYTHING?
Kav: All my riffs are stolen actually.

HAVE YOU EVER WORN A SKIRT?
Joel: Yeah. I'll use any excuse to wear a skirt. All the time.
Stuart: Particularly a ra ra or bubble skirt.
Joel: I did a gig in a crop top on the last tour. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and being attracted to myself.
Stuart: We did a gig in a school girl outfit. It was an all ages show and they loved it. Although when I put my foot up on the fold back the front row got a bit of a shock.

WHO'S YOUR FAVOURITE MINOGUE?
Stuart: The dad. Because he spawned them both.
Kav: Mr Minogue.
Joel: Nah, I reckon Kylie's pretty damn awesome.
Kav: Yeah, she's awesome. No offense Danii, but you're shit.

WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU ON TOUR?
Kav: Getting catering I think.
Joel: No I think it was when Jeff Martin from the Tea Party offered me a Killer Python.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL YOUR FIRST CHILD?
Stuart: George Foreman
Kav: Kav
Joel: Everybody has to be called Joe.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
Stuart: We believe in Joe.
Joel: I saw God last night. Tony Lockett.
Kav: Do I believe in God? I believe in Tony Lockett.

WHAT IS THE WORST ALBUM YOU OWN?
Kav: Grunge: Volume 2.

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